30 Days!

Ohai! Faith here. Dad agreed to translate without editing.

So I've been sniffing for messages (and leaving my own) around here for 30 days now, and I thought I would give some impressions of my first month. There are many dogs hereabouts, and many plants at the perfect level for leaving messages, if you know what I mean. My bladder runneth over.

One of the families on our block doesn't have a dog! When I heard that, it seemed very strange, and I wondered why and how those people were broken, and how sad that must be for them! I mean, what's the point of a family unit of homo erectus without a canus lupus familiaris to herd them together and steer them out of trouble?? Why, it's kind of like living on a farm that used to have llamas! Who keeps them organized, for doG's sake?

Then I learned that those humans were getting older, and that they used to have dogs, but decided that maybe they couldn't take good care of them anymore. I felt a lot better, 'cause (a) that seemed unusually responsible for a human, (b) the habits of a lifetime informed by constructive herding will last them the rest of their lives, and (c) it just made this place seem downright civilized. Imagine a place where the house without dogs seemed, well, kind of like they were missing something important. What an amazing place that would be. And I get to live there!

My Person and my Little Person picked me up at Casa de Food Lady 30 days ago now. In Canada, they don't do routine Rabies vaccinations, so I had to stay "confined" for 30 days. My Person arranged that Trevor and I would cross the border and enter confinement together, so I had some company in isolation (Kthnx). Considering as how he's kind of an excessively horny, domineering, younger brother who is twice my size, Trevor is OK. A bit slow, but he's learning his limits rather nicely. I get the bed, cuddling with my Person. He curls up underneath it. Maybe the Spaniel in him dilutes the ideal of the breed, or maybe he just prefers a really hard mattress. Hard to tell.

I really like my Little Person, and he likes me. I often go to sleep with him. We lie on his bed cuddling. I reluctantly offer my tummy to satisfy his compulsive scritchling reflex. Eventually he gets tired and curls up in a puppy-ish ball. After that, I curl up in my own ball at the foot of the bed and fall asleep until my Person is ready for bed.

Still, confinement has been kinda lonely. For example...

There's this Shepard who walks up our street every morning at 8:20 named Boomer, but I couldn't meet her. Then there is this Poodle named Lucy, and this Golden Retriever named Diego. They show up at my Little Person's bus stop every morning. Because of confinement, Trevor and I have had to stare at them longingly through the window of the car for a month! Trevor says quite enthusiastically that Lucy is very humpable, but Diego is the shy handsome type. I think Diego might be a virgin. But he's cool. He's the guy you want with you to hold your paw when you go for your emergency unexpected pregnancy test. You know he's a total gentlemen, and you kinda wish he weren't quite so good at it, 'cause he'd make a really great dad...

The one I really don't get is Lucy. I mean, Trevor tries to hump me, and I sit, and that's pretty much the end of it. He'll get what he wants when I get what I want. Which will be some time after I decide what I want. Which may very well be never. I color my fur because I'm worth it. Poor Lucy doesn't seem get that, and maybe I should have a bitch-to-bitch talk with her. She should at least demand flowers and a nice bottle of wine first! But hey, she's just approaching one year old, so she's entering those "exploratory" years when life seems unlimited and more mature heads are left to watch and worry (and cheer to ourselves in quietly longing envy).

Then there is Clover, another Golden Retriever, who is often outside when we go for a walk. I have wanted to meet Clover for a month now, but my Person didn't think that a $100,000 fine for Rabies I didn't have was worth the risk. Bah. My person needs to learn to be in the moment! Anyway, Clover is stuck behind an electric fence. She is used to playing with Trevor when he walks, and has been very confused that Trevor would not play with her for the last month. Today it rained terribly, but tomorrow I'm pretty sure I will get to go say hai to her. Clover's flirtatious hints seem much more Trevor's speed than Lucy's "come and get me" approach. :-) I mean, it's all about values, really. Hey, but he's a guy, and I don't claim any insights into alien species...

Yesterday, to celebrate the end of my confinement, my Person took me to the Redmond Town Center mall, where I got to play with various Very Little People. I met a <2 year old who wasn't sure he wanted to pet me, but his <1yr old brother had no hesitations. I met a ~9 month old who gave a Big Grin to see me, and when allowed to crawl promptly set forth in my direction to say hai, and then enjoyed getting his paws licked. I tried to say hai to Marcus (yet another Golden) at the jewelery store, but he had already gone home. Probably best, as it turned out. The Cad!

Running around

If I get to snuggle with my Person every night, some parts of my life here are not ideal. It has been only 30 days, and already my Little Person has been unfaithful. In fact, he is running around with another dog. In public! And I didn't even get to join in! I mean, sure, Marcus is definitely cute, and he's likeable, and he plays a good game of hide-and-seek, and he has cool toys, but for doG's sake he's just a Golden Retriever. I mean how embarrassing is that! Here I am, a Border Collie, upstaged by a darned Golden Retriever. A big, goofy, friendly Golden Retriever at that. What would he even do with a sheep? On second thought, don't answer that. The mind shudders to think.

Exchanging favors

And to make matters worse, my little person has been accepting his favors! I mean, how treacherous! Men are no damned good. Women are no better. Bryn Mawr women share the best properties of both species, but I digress...

Still, I got my own back. On my non-confinement day I stayed outside REI and made dichromatism-eyes at absolutely everyone while my Person looked for shoes. When he came out, there was a line of people waiting to meet me. Living well is sometimes the best revenge. Golden Retriever indeed! Pfah! What's the point of fur that is all one color, I ask you?

Meanwhile, I think I have found a job. I am going to be a politician. I love kissing babies, I think I could learn to steal their lollipops, and both candidates could really use some nose-to-the-ground support.

Today, I decided that my "test the waters" period was decently over, and I started to talk. A lot. I talked about how I wanted to go out, how I didn't approve of certain television shows, how the feng shui of my bowl was all wrong, how I deserved to be treated when being released from my crate, and a number of other Important Issues. My Person and his spouse were somewhat surprised. It seems that Food Lady neglected to mention that I'm Very Vocal! And since I've been keeping mum for the last month, boy was my Person surprised! Being as how I cannot hear, I tend to maintain a pretty even keel when my pack-mate gets all worked up. Trevor is pretty smart for a Border/Spaniel mix, but he's quite excitable. Me, I talk when there is actually someting worthwhile to say, and then I make my opinion Clearly Known.

Oh. And this week I completely ignored the WILF (Whining Little Feline, a.k.a. Snickers). He seemed to like that. At one point he actually lay on the couch with me. No accounting for cats, I suppose.

Well, this has run long, and I've just been busted. It seems that while my Person was translating, I have been staring intently at yet another LCD screen. My person is considering enrolling me in a twelve-step program but that's a story for another day.

XOXO  Faith